Court Appointed
by TheLoverOfFanfics
Summary: When Homer gets into a rough spot, only Gerald Broflovski can get him out, which includes the Broflovski's taking a trip to Springfield!
1. Who Shot Apu

This is my first fan fiction I've ever written, so you know that all suggestions, big or small, are

welcome!

South Park/The Simpsons crossover

I own nothing, enjoy!

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Kyle leaned against the window of the car and yawned, looking out as the world passed him by.

"Mom, when are we going to get there? This trip sucks ass. I've never wanted to go to capital

city in my life. Who wants to see self-obsorbed, lying fascists run around and scream at each

other?" Protested Kyle half-heartedly.

"Kyle, watch your mouth. You know very well that that's not what America is about! We're

staying in Springfield until the trial's over, and besides, your father needs this case. He hasn't

been presented one in ages! Now pass your brother his bottle." Replied Sheila matter of factly

as Kyle passed the water bottle to Ike who was watching Terrence and Phillip on an iPad.

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"Oh dad, you've really done it this time. Mom was driving like a manic coming down here."

Lisa warned wearily.

"Yeah! It was awesome, she looked like the demon of wives man!" Exclaimed Bart, "She's

gonna rip you to shreds!" Just as he proclaimed the last words, Marge Simpson rushed in.

"Homer! Homer it's alright, we got a nice lawyer from Colorado!" Marge exasperated. Homer

let a sigh of relief leave him. "But don't you hold your breathe, Mister! I'm still angry that you

shot and robbed Apu."

"But Maaarge!" Whined Homer, "It wasn't my fault! It was Snake, he made me do it for him!"

"The lawyer is Mister Broflovski, he's staying in a hotel with his family for one week, and

we'll have to all be extra hospitable, won't we kids?" Lisa and Bart groaned in unison.

"No complaining. I'm sure they've never even heard of Springfield before, and we want them

to have a positive first impression. Now say goodbye to your father and give him a hug, we

need to get ready to welcome them to town tomorrow, and I need to bake some cookies!"

Marge said, more to herself than the kids.

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Kyle woke up and groaned. _Great, this is just how I wanted to spend my fall break_ he thought.

Kyle sat up and looked around. Ike and his mother were still sleeping, but his Dad had just made

coffee.

"He champ, good morning! Want some coffee?" Chirped Gerald Broflovski.

"Sure. What time is it?" Asked a groggy Kyle. He rubbed his eyes and reached to put on his

green hat.

"It's five. I have to wake up your mother in a bit, we have people coming over later." Chatted

the man.

 _Great_."Who's coming?"

"The family of my client. They're very nice, there's a boy about your age who I think you can

make friends with while we're in town. His name is Bart, Bart Simpson." Explained Gerald.

 _Bart Simpson. Where have I heard that name before?_ Kyle wondered to himself as he stepped

off the bed and reached for the coffee and cream. _Oh well._ Thought Kyle, mentally shrugging.

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"Come on kids! Breakfast's ready!" Called Marge.

Bart cringed. I just hit the snooze button. He let out and audible groan and threw himself out

from under his Krusty covers. He met Lisa downstairs and started to eat his pancakes only half

awake.

"Hurry up and eat kids. We have to get these cookies over to the Broflovski's by 9:30, so we

only have about 45 minutes to get out the door. Bart, don't make faces at your sister. Lisa don't

hit your brother. No syrup wars!" Nagged Marge.

Lisa set the syrup down and grumbled. _Cheer up Lisa! Today your meeting a new family._

 _Maybe they'll have a girl my age! That way she doesn't know how unpopular I am at school._

Maggie started crying and Marge rushed over to her, setting a small saucer of baby food in

front of her and sat down to feed the child.

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Next chapter is coming really soon! They'll meet next chapter, so tell me what you think! :D


	2. The Cookie Exchange

**Sorry the spacing has been weird, I'll try to fix it. Anyways, here it goes!**

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 _Knock Knock Knock_

"Oh my! That must be the Simpson family! Be nice boys, and Kyle, no swearing. I don't want

to think badly of us." Said Sheila before she turned around and opened the door.

"Hello! My name is Marge Simpson, but you can call me Marge. These are my children, Bart,

Lisa, and baby Maggie." She gestured to Maggie in her arms as she spoke, looking away only

once to signal Lisa to hand over the plate of cookies in the girls hands.

"Why thank you Lisa. These are my boys, Kyle and Ike, and my husband Gerald."

"Hi there folks!" Happily responded Gerald. Sheila and Marge moved into the kitchen to chat

and drink wine while Gerald typed on a laptop, leaving the children in the entrance.

Lisa stared at Kyle, at first disappointed that he hadn't been a girl. _It's okay, thought Lisa, he_

 _can still be your friend. Gender means nothing to friendship. She reassured herself silently._

Bart suddenly spoke, breaking the tension. "Hey weren't you that guy that convicted me that

Family Guy wasn't as crappy as I thought! Kyle, right? Nice to see you again man!"

"Oh, yeah that's right." Said Kyle.

Lisa looked around and saw an Albert Einstein poster taped next to Kyle's bed. "Wow! You like

Albert Einstein?" Questioned Lisa excitedly.

Kyle suddenly perked up at the mention of his slightly teared poster. "Yeah! He really brought

out a good reputation for us Jewish. Such a brilliant man."

Lisa almost fell over. She had suddenly remember the time her mother had said she would

marry a nice Jewish boy and 'drop the whole thing'. Plus, he certainly had appreciation for

science.

Kyle suddenly felt his face turning red. This girl actually took an interest in him. _She was blonde_

 _and smart! Don't screw this up, Kyle, I need a relationship godammit!_

"Dude, don't stare at my sister like that." Bart said out of the blue. Kyle turned even redder.

"Oh Bart, leave him alone. Is that a guitar?" Lisa pointed at a a guitar in the corner of the

room. It had a peace sign on it from when the hippies took over, which almost sent Lisa into a

frenzy.

"Y-yeah! You want to see it?" Asked Kyle bravely.

"Oh screw this, I'm going into the the kitchen for a cookie" dismissed Bart.

"Sure I do! You know, I play the saxophone. Maybe we could get together sometime and just

jam. Together." Lisa blushed as soon as the last word slipped from her tongue.

"Yeah, I'd like that." Kyle looked up and she was smiling at him. Kyle smiled back.

"Okay kids, time to go!" Sung Marge.

"Um, Mom, do you think it would be ok if Kyle stayed at our house tonight?" Asked Lisa.

Marge was slightly taken aback by the question, mostly since she had expected Bart to be the

one who would have made a friend. Bart was always the more social one, and Kyle was a

boy. Marge started to wonder about him.

"Mmmm, well, OK. As long as it's no trouble to you, Sheila." Said Marge rather reluctantly,

looking over at , who look just as confused.

"Well it's to trouble for me. I can pick him up in the morning I suppose." Said Sheila.

"Cool! Thanks mom! I'll go get my sh-er, stuff." Exclaimed Kyle. This is going to be such and an

awesome night.

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 **Okay this chapter was really short but the next one is going to be long. I'll probably write**

 **some R &M fan fiction, so it might be longer.**


	3. Idle Hands

**Thanks for reading, here's the next chapter!**

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Bart eyed Kyle carefully. Kyle and Lisa had been looking at and then away from each other the whole time. It annoyed the hell out of Bart.

"So Lisa, what's your dad like? I haven't met him yet." Quipped Kyle.

"Uh- Oh you know just a regular guy. Heheh." Lisa laughed nervously. Kyle didn't ask about him again. Kyle smiled at Lisa. Lisa smiled at Kyle. Bart just rolled his eyes, crossed his arms and laid back, looking out the window with an annoyed look on his face. _This is so not cool. I have to do something about this, and quick."_

Bart looked over at the two in the seats next to him. Kyle apparently cracked a joke about Bart while he wasn't looking because they were avoiding his gaze only peeking at him every now and then between laughs. Lisa punched Kyle in the arm. "Your so funny, Kyle!" Lisa whispered.

Bart clenched his jaw and furrowed his brow. He had to do something about this and quick. Kyle can't be with Lisa! If that happened, that would mean them both being happy!

Bart was about to make a witty joke, but they had arrived at the house.

"Come on kids! Grab your things! We're having pork chops for dinner." Called Marge from inside.

"Um, ?" Timidly asked Kyle.

"Yes Kyle? Do you need anything pumpkin?" Said Marge while she pulled out some pots and pans.

"Well, my family can't eat pork ma'am. We're Jewish." Kyle explained. Marge stopped, turned around, and smiled, putting a hand on Kyle's shoulder.

"That's okay, Lisa can't eat pork either. In fact, she doesn't eat any meat. You can have tofu like Lisa." Marge reassured the boy. His face lit up. _Lisa gets me._

Bart gritted his teeth and went to get a Slurm from the fridge. "Bart, no soda before dinner." Bart growled and slammed to fridge door.

"Jesus, what crawled up and died in his skin?" Kyle remarked, fighting the urge to swear. It was a habit. Lisa giggled a bit at his comment.

 _Wow Lisa! This boy is the total package. He's smart and sweet and he understands my minority struggles! Tehehe! And it doesn't hurt to ward off Milhouse._ Lisa thought slyly. _Besides, he's super cute! I wonder, though, what's under that green hat?_

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"Bart, eat your vegetables. Kyle, you can sit by Lisa tonight if you want. Here you go! Two tofu burgers!" Marge said in a sing-song voice.

"Thank you . Wow this looks better than a restaurant!" Exclaimed Kyle, obviously trying to make a good impression on her. He was doing a great job.

"Why thank you Kyle, that's very sweet of you." Marge said, very grateful for the comment nonetheless.

As the day went on into night, Marge brought out apple pie for dessert. The whole night Kyle and Lisa had been eying each other. Finally, when Marge brought it out, they ate in science, both smiling ear to ear. Marge didn't notice since she was to busy changing Maggie. But Bart noticed.

Bart suspiciously stared at them, searching for a hint or signal to tell him what they were so happy about. All of the sudden, it hit Bart. He tried to be as subtle as possible, slowly peered under the table. There they were, Lisa's hand in Kyle's. Bart gasped, and stomped up to his room.

"This is the LAST STRAW!" Mumbled Bart under his breathe as he headed up the stairs.

Marge finally returned to the dining room just as the two finished up their pie, not noticing or caring that Bart had left.

" ? Where will I sleep tonight?" Kyle spoke up.

"My room!" Lisa answered a little too fast before Marge got a chance to even think about the question.

"Well, I guess that would be alright. Just watch your hands, mister." Marge shook her finger at Kyle.

"OkThanksMomBye!" Lisa grabbed Kyle's hand and rushed upstairs, despite the fact she practically threw him out of his chair.

Bart peeked his head out of his room and looked around to make absolute sure that no one had been trying to sneak in. Bart locked his door and windows and turned off all his lights.

He turned on his laptop and a face appeared on screen.

"So you can help me get rid of this kid, right?"

"That's what I do, Bart, that's what I do."

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 **Bum bum BUUUUM! Cliffhanger! Who is the mystery person? Next chapter should be soon I have NO LIFE!**


	4. Fun With Revenge

**Ok this is gonna be fun for me, hope it's fun for you!**

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"Please help me, um,"

"Professor Chaos! Bringer of Pain and Destruction! Muhaha!" He cackles childishly.

"Yeah. I saw your ad about exacting revenge on someone, and I'm going to need all the hell I can find to raise." Bart explained in a pacient tone.

"Why certainly Professor Chao-" The boy stopped in his tracks as none other than Eric Cartman swung open the door.

"Um, Butters, just what the f*** are you doing?!" Yelled Cartman.

"Oh Eric! I-I-I was just um I was j-just-"

Cartman pinched the bridge of his nose. "Butters, get the hell out of my room, god you're such an a**hole Butters." Sighed Cartman.

"You have to right to talk like that to the great, almighty Pro-"

"BUTTERS GET OUT OF MY ROOM!" Wailed Cartman. Butters bolted downstairs. Cartman straightened his hat and sat down at the computer desk.

"Now, tell me about this person you'd like to exact revenge on." Said Cartman.

Bart was still a little shaken from what had just happened. "Well, what do you want to know?"

"In laments terms, his weaknesses." Explained Cartman.

"He likes my sister, which is the reason he has to go." Said Bart as Cartman was listening intently, nodding and making eye contact. "He's Jewish, so he can't eat pork. He has a little toddler brother and his mom's really annoying. Oh and his dad is a lawyer." Bart finished his list, satisfied.

Cartman began smiling and he closed his eyes, clearly enjoying what Bart had said, but Bart couldn't figure out why this had made him so happy.

"Cartman?" Cartman stirred but then started furiously writing down ideas on paper. He paused writing and looked up at the monitor.

"Ok, so here's what we're gonna do to your little friend."

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"Come on Kyle! I'll show you my room. Here's my saxophone," Lisa raised up the bronze instrument proudly for a moment before setting it down to grab onto Kyle once again. "and here's my bed, we can both sleep on it tonight, it's big enough for two." Stated Lisa.

Kyle shuffled his feet, his face turning red. "Well, o-ok. I guess I'll go get dressed now." Kyle walked into the bathroom. He had decided to wear his orange and white pajamas instead of his Terrence and Phillip ones, he didn't want Lisa thinking he was disgusting.

He stepped up to the sink and adjusted the mirror only to see Bart, coolly leaning against the door, waiting for him. Kyle raised his eyebrows out of surprise and confusion. Kyle turned around to face Bart. "Um, what are you doing?" Asked Kyle, slightly defensive.

"I could ask you the same thing, _Kyle_." Bart hissed, "Do think you can just walk in here and ruin my sister with your inferior ginger-genes."

"Oh my god." Kyle pinched his nose, "you've been talking to Cartman, haven't you? Look dude, you can go tell that fat tub of lard to stop brainwashing you. He uses people, Bart, that's unfortunately the only thing he's good at. Now I'm going to bed." Concluded Kyle.

Bart watched him leave. _How dare he challenge El Barto? Doesn't he know that I'm the baddest kid in this town? He'll get what's coming to him. Oh yes, yes he will._ With that though, Bart began tenting his fingers. "Excellent…" Bart said, smiling devilishly, "excellent…"

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 **Yeah that was super short but the plot is just starting to get going. Reviews welcome, thanks!**


	5. The Day the Earth Stood Bonita

**Cool I'm just making this up as I go along, so I hope it does alright! :)**

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Lisa had already changed into her floral nightgown, and was sitting on the bed, reading The Critique of Pure Reason. Kyle was beyond pissed that Bart had been not only talking to Cartman, but that Cartman had persuaded Bart to insult him. _He even insulted my ginger hair! I mean it's not like me and Lisa would ever be, ever have,uh…_

Lisa look up as Kyle walk in, looking angry and embarrassed. She put her book on the nightstand and went over to Kyle. "What's wrong Kyle? Is it my brother? He can be a real pain." Consoled Lisa.

"Uh, yeah kind of. It's complicated. You wouldn't understand." Kyle decided.

"'Gaining knowledge is the first step towards wisdom, sharing it is the first step toward humanity.'" Quoted Lisa in a soft voice.

Kyle stared at her with awe and said louder than he had anticipated, "You're hot."

Lisa blushed and giggled, taking his hand. They kissed briefly and then again with more experience. Bart stared in at the two with horror. _This can't be happening, this CAN'T BE HAPPENING!_ Bart's first instinct was to run downstairs and tell his mother everything he saw in that room, but at the top of the staircase, he froze. He knew if he told anyone about this, Kyle wouldn't be the victim of Cartman's carefully considered plan. _It really was quite a brilliant plan,_ thought Bart, _I would be a shame, dare I say a sin to squander it!_

"Kiiiids! Come downstairs and watch some TV before bed, I don't want you heading to bed too early!" Marge cooed sweetly.

Kyle and Lisa broke apart from their moment together. _Oh my god! She kissed me, me! Please let this not be another acid trip. I'm as happy as a kid on Christm-well, in the world!_ A broad smile crossed his face. _Nothing in the world could ruin this,_ thought Kyle, _not even fatass._

 _Did you hear that Lisa? He thinks we're hot! That's crazy, but soooo cute! Oh please let this be real, please let me not have drunk the water again!_ Lisa giggled as she put her hand up to her mouth and twisted her ankle round and round.

Marge called a second time, since Kyle and Lisa hadn't come down the first time. This worried Marge a great deal. Marge's first kiss was her husband, but that was in fourth grade. Her little Lisa was only in second, no matter how mature she acted or was. _Don't worry Marge, Kyle's a fine boy who will make a great deal of money one day. Not to say boys of his, group, did any better than other children!_ Marge shook off all thoughts as Kyle and Lisa walked in. _**.**_

Bart strode pass them with a demon fire in his eyes. Lisa peered over at him, glaring, which didn't phase Bart, not one bit. "Mom, where's Bart going to?" Asked Lisa, seriously hoping for a specific answer.

Marge's jaw was shut tight, teeth gritted against one another. She had seemed to pass this habit down to Bart. The blue haired woman shot Kyle a look that could kill before growling "I don't know _sweetie,_ why don't you ask your BOYFRIEND?!" Lisa stepped back in dismay.

"Mom, you need to calm down! I'm fine, you know I'll always love you and dad." Lisa exasperated.

Marge looked at both of them. _Oh, Marge, what did you say? She'll always be your special little Lisa! You're over reacting honey._ "I'm sorry Lisa, I was overreacting. I love you too." Marge picked up Lisa and gave her a playful hug.

"Moooom!" Lisa whined happily, trying not the smile. Marge set Lisa down, rubbing her cheering before moving away her hand. "So, where's Bart?" Lisa asked, suddenly remembering her brother's evil face that sent shivers down her spine.

"He went up to his room. Could you two check on him? He's been acting strange lately." Said Marge looking at the stairs.

Kyle gave Lisa a worried look that she returned. _Maybe he is actually going to do something bad. I tried to warn him, but he's so stubborn. God, that fatass ruins everything for me, which is weird since he's such a retard. How did Cartman even find out where I am? I should call Kenny and Stan, they can help get Cartman away from Bart._

List was the first to run up the stairs, and Kyle followed her. They came to Bart's room, but it was locked. Only a small, bright light illuminated from under the door.

"I have an idea. Come on, let's go to my room." They crossed the room to Lisa's window. She open it and set a foot out of the window before Kyle latched to her arm. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Kyle chocked in a whisper.

"I took gymnastics once, I can climb the tree to Bart's room. He never closes the blinds at night, he's paranoid that Sideshow Bob will get him." Explained Lisa. Kyle took a sigh of relief.

"Wait, who?" Kyle said.

"That's besides the point. Now go outside of Bart's room. Take a cup to him door and listen while I watch." She instructed, "good luck." Lisa gave him a quick kiss on the cheek to Kyle before leaping out the window. It took a few seconds for Kyle to regain consciousness, but once he did, the boy rushed downstairs for the cup.

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"Are you sure? This seems a little extreme, man. I don't want to get caught." Said Bart in a moment of doubt. After all, Kyle _did_ help him defeat Cartman, and Bart still didn't completely trust him. Cartman was a little over the top in terms of pranks, even for Bart.

Cartman looked up from drawing a map of the house. "Look, Kiel's people have been tricking people for years. He's a dirty Jew rat, and frankly, he deserves what's coming to him. Don't forget, he put his ginger-Jersey-Jew hands on _your_ sister." Cartman pointed a finger at Bart while stating his case passionately. Cartman's mom came in. Bart stared at her and his jaw dropped.

He remembered the time that Nelson had tried to show Bart a dirty German website, but had been caught by Homer, which resulted in Homer patting him on the back and offering him a beer. Bart stared at as that thirty seconds of the video that Bart had seen played in his mind. "Poopsykins, your little friends Stan and Kenny are here to see you!." The woman emphasized the last three words in a high voice.

Bart continued to stare and went to grab a pillow to set on his lap. Cartman pinched his nose again, reluctantly defeating. "Fiene, Mim, send them in." Bart shook his head. _Cartman's mom is such a dirty slut, man._ He shook his head and threw the pillow off his lap, trying to to look conspicuous as two boys walked in that Bart had never seen before, but assumed that they were in fact Stan and Kenny.

"Come on Cartman, we're going to Casa Bonita tonight!" Stan persuaded.

"Yempp mammp! Mmmmmp mmp mmmmp mmmmp mmp mmp mmmp!" Kenny exclaimed.

Cartman dropped his pen. "For reals you guy?!" The boys nodded vigorously. "Why are you standing there? MOVE! Miiim! WE'RE GOING TO CASA BONITA!" The boys shuffled out the door, forgetting Bart.

 _Now I'm going to have to do this myself! That's ok, the Bartman works alone. I can do this! I have to, the sake of my sister's unhappiness depends on it!_ Bart glanced out of the window. He was still afraid of Sideshow Bob, even though he new he could beat him like the countless times before. Lisa ducked out of the way just in time so that Bart did not see her.

Kyle had called Stan to tell him to distract Cartman instead of listening. He was positive that Bart wasn't capable of fulfilling whatever horrible plan Cartman had concocted in his head by himself.

Bart turned off the monitor. _I can do this, I can do this._ He siked himself up as he grabbed an unmarked bottle of pills from an envelope addressed to him.

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 **The next chapter is the one where Bart fulfills the evil plan! So excited for this. :)**


	6. Lisa and Kyle, Layin on the Floor

**Last chapter enjoy!**

 **(And how about that last episode of South Park, ey?)**

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Bart didn't know what the pills did exactly. All he knew is that he had to give three to Kyle; two white ones and one blue. _I guess this stuff's going to mess with his head._ He took out two white pills. Bart was reminded of the time that he had applied for a credit card as a joke, only to receive one on account of his horrible handwriting. He had bought a bottle of speed for his sister, which she graciously accepted only to get hooked on the stuff. He was a little more protective of his sister than he'd like to admit, agreeing, rather insisting, that he would spy on her when she was trying to sneak a cig in ballet class. Bart swallowed hard, grabbed the pills, and headed out the door.

"So what did he say?" Lisa asked quickly to Kyle once the two got back to her room.

"I wasn't listening. I called the boys to put a stop to it. Nothing's gonna happen, that fatass Cartman's not going to screw me over again." Lisa gasped. Sure, she had said damn whenever she was protesting in the heat of the moment, but Lisa never heard kids in her class swear like _that._ At first, Kyle hadn't noticed that he had cussed in front of Lisa, but quickly covered his mouth and apologized. _Nothing to worry about here. Then again, she's not smiling. But why would she be smiling? Ugh, I need sleep._ He rubbed his eyes.

"Hey, I'm gonna get to bed." Kyle went upstairs without another word.

"Okay, I'll be right there," Lisa headed up behind him.

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It was midnight. Bart had stayed up drinking about five Slurms per hour, just reminiscing about his brother sister moments with Lisa. _Kyle doesn't deserve Lisa, the Simpsons genes must not be passed down._ He was twitchy from all the caffeine. _Man, this stuff is addictive. At least it keeps me up._ His Krusty clock turned over to 12:00, thought it seemed to move very slowly. He smiled evilly, downed the last of his Slurm, and gathered his things.

Bart tiptoed out into the hall with his bag,stopping and looking around quickly every two seconds, as if his scolding, nagging mother would appear from a shadow like a snake. He feared his mother, but loved her at the same time. He didn't respect anyone except himself, and barely that. Bart had been tricked out of any dignity he had by women before, and would likely be deceived in the near future.

Kyle slept with his head at the bottom of Lisa's colorful bed and Lisa slept vice versa. Bart set his things down by her door, glancing around one last time. The soda had made a paranoid bug in the back of his mind, scratching and picking at his worries. He cracked his knuckles and reached for the knob, wiggling his fingers as he moved through the air. Bart pushed on the door slowly, careful not to let the light which poured into the room wake either person.

Bart crawled across the room, the carpet rubbing his stomach. He raised up, his shadow cascading across Kyle's slightly tanned skin, despite the fact he lived in the snowy mountains of Colorado. Bart, in a moment of curiosity, lifted Kyle's hat gently to find that the boy had red hair. Bart could relate why he had hidden it. Bart was a natural redhead and had always hidden it under his red hat because the kids would call him Rusty, but with all of the sun he got, his hair eventually had turned blonde.

Bart deposited the blue pill in his mouth and pushed it down his throat. Kyle twitched only once, making Bart's heart stop, about to send him into survival mode. But Kyle didn't wake up.

Time for phase two.

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Bart put Kyle in a sleeping bag and hauled him downstairs. Even though Kyle and Bart were the same age, Kyle was much thinner and the boy could easily carry him downstairs, give or take a few stumbles and/or grunts. The blue pill had been a temporary but powerful tranquilizer. Once finally downstairs, Bart forced Kyle's body onto the kitchen table. He sat down and wiped his forehead for sweat. _I need another Slurm! Another! Another!_ Bart sat up strait and rushed over for another Slurm, and chugged the whole thing. He smiled and shivered in delight, exhilarated and rejuvenated by the hardly legal liquid.

While Kyle was dreaming, Bart opened his large and heavy duffle bag. The pills had been in the front pocket, and the bag was heavy. He opened it, leaning back and closing one eye. A young boy, tied up and gagged, was passed out in the bag. Bart grimaced. It was a Jersey boy, about Kyle's age. He had tan skin and dark hair that was spiked in the front, as well as gold chains and hair gel poking out of his pocket. Bart grabbed the hair gel and went to work.

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Lisa woke up a dawn, but not from the light, from Marge's nagging. Lisa tightened his eyes in agitation.

"Five more minutes Mom!" Lisa mumbled and turned around in her bed to protect her eyes from the light. She found that she couldn't move. She opened her eyes, only to see Kyle straight in front of her. "K-Kyle?" This wasn't right. Kyle had orangish skin and puffed up, gelled back hair. He had a gold chain and golden rings on with ripped jeans.

Lisa felt horrible. Horrible and tight. _What?_ She looked around. Kyle was lying on the floor, with _oh god_ a huge boner looking around in fear. Marge was coming up the stairs, clearly worried when they hadn't come down for breakfast. There were half empty bottles of every kind of booze around the floor. There was a boy Lisa had never seen before with only his underwear on, lying on the floor passed out. There were also pills and cigarettes strewn about the room and on the bed stand. Lisa looked at herself in horror. She was dressed like a hooker, her hair was a mess and she was wearing red platform heels with a short red top and leather miniskirt. And to finish her whorish makeover, she was wearing no panties, a stuffed training bra and worse of all, fishnet stockings.

Lisa was leaning up against the wall and felt her head spinning. Suddenly, she leapt for the door and locked it just as Marge started to jiggle the door handle. Bart slammed open his door and stretched out his arms in happiness.

"How sweet it is!" Bart said, strolling over to his tired and concerned mother. He flipped a credit card out of his pocket and slid it on the door's slit of light. He gestured for his mother to enter before walking away with his hands behind his back, waiting for Marge's gasp. Marge did him one better, screaming at the top of her lungs. Bart laughed and started to run outside to ride his skateboard.

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Kyle was never allowed around the Simpsons, or Springfield, again. He didn't remember anything accept that he woken up with a raging boner and a horrible hangover. He threatened Cartman when he got home, but Cartman denied anything and everything. He claimed he had not known that Kyle had gone to Oregon. Kyle decided that their relationship wouldn't have gone far anyway, being from different towns in all. They might even cross paths again one day. For now at least it seemed it wasn't meant to be.

Lisa really had no idea what had happened that night. All she did remember was Kyle, disoriented and clearly drunk or drugged, stumbling into her room and sweet talking her. She was grounded and the whole family promised never to speak of it again. "I knew that boy was trouble, I knew it!" Scorned Marge while throwing the leftover items into a trash bag. Thankfully, Marge was now a pro at suppressing bad thoughts. Lisa sighed, preparing herself for an impending life of loneliness once again. He was nothing special, right? Right.

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Lisa threw an arm over Kyle's shoulder and took another Jell-O shot. Her mother liked Jell-O shots, too. "Kyle, babe, Ijus-wantcha to know, I *hic really really, really loveya. You're the best!" Slurred a drunken Lisa.

Kyle felt her cheek and looked into her eyes. "I love you," he whispered.

Lisa grinned widely, "I *hic love you too, baby!" Lisa whispered back disoriented, "Woohoo! I'm on top of the world!" Lisa cheered. Kyle joined her as they laughed together, cheering on their reckless lack of thought.

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 **I know, that wasn't quite the ending you expected, but that** _ **was**_ **the last chapter. Thanks for reading!**


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